Spring Is Here and I’m Sneezing

Rita is giggly.  She’s probably picking up guys as we speak.  She called me at midnight squealing,” I”m a cougar, I’m a cougar.”  Oh no, I thought, now I have to deal with her adolescence.

“Pinkslip, I have another date on Friday” she said excitedly.

” Listen, I take it your not going to synagogue  Listen.  Don’t “put out on the first date. And don’t tell him whether you buy or rent.  Keep him guessing. ”  I said trying to be helpful.

Well, they say happiness is contagious. But I wasn’t.    I was ashamed at my own schadenfreude for all these years.

“I feel like a teenager again” she yelled.

“Rita, I’m so happy for you!” I cheered.

But inside I felt miserable.  Its just that  I never thought that at this point in life I would be living with a canine.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m counting my blessings.  She’s blond and  doesn’t talk back.  I have shelter and kibble.  But I never thought my life companion would have four paws.  But then again, many people would consider that trading up.

Ugh, love is everywhere.  Even my dog, Brie, has become a flirt.  In fact, she has fallen in love with a Cairn terrier down the block.  When he comes within a few feet of her, she pounces in front of him frantically, and then runs away.  My mature terrier repeats this frantic ritual 3 or 4 times until totally exhausted.  Then,. with her last burst of strength, she sprints down the street, dragging me like roadkill.  She also started to wake up  every morning at 3 am to flirt with the newspaper delivery guy.  In the middle of the night, she  listens for the “thud” that is her call to duty.  Then, she jumps out of my bed like Bat Dog and arrives at the door within a nanosecond.  First there’s the low guttural growl. ” Grrrr ” Then a soft  “arf….arf.”

A little louder. “Arf…Arf….”

A little faster, “Arf…Arf…”

Now, she howls with a cute smile.  “ARF!  ARF!”

The newspaper delivery guy howls back through the door, ” AROOOGH!”

He leaves, and she whines until 6:00, when my alarm goes off.  She then returns to my bed and stretches out on my pillow with paws in all directions, grinning.  It’s time for me to get up and for her to get her beauty rest.


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